Jokes:
Q: How do turtles talk to each other?

A: By using shell phones!
Q: How do you cook toast in the jungle?

A: Put it under a gorilla!

Q: How do you get a mouse to smile?

A: Say cheese!
Q: How do you spell "mousetrap" with only three letters?

A: C-A-T!
Q: What animal makes a lot of gas?

A: An aardfart!
Q: How does a turkey eat its food?

A: It gobbles it up!
Q: What animal never needs a haircut?

A: A bald eagle!

Q: What animal talks the most?

A: A yak!
Q: What cereal does a mouse eat?

A: Mice Krispies!

Q: What did the mother buffalo say to her son on his way to school?

A: Bi-son!
Q: What do aardvarks eat for breakfast?

A: Aard-boiled eggs!

Q: What do camels wear to protect themselves?

A: Camel-flage!

Q: Why do zebras like old movies?

A: Because they're in black and white!

Q: What do you call an anxious dinosaur?

A: A nervous rex!
Q: How did the dinosaurs know we were coming?

A: Because Bronto-saw-us!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo?

A: A pouch potato!
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?

A: Big holes all over Australia!

Q: What is a vampire's favorite holiday?

A: Fangs-giving!

Q: Why did Pilgrims' pants always fall down?

A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat!
Q: Did you take a bath this morning?

A: No. Is there one missing?
Q: How many months have 28 days?

A: All of them!


Q: What did Snow White say while she waited for her photos?

A: "Some day my prints will come!"

Q: What did the alien say to the plant?

A: Take me to your weeder!

Q: What did the alien say to the puzzle?

A: I come in peace, you come in pieces!
Real School Excuse
Notes:
My son is under a doctor's care and should not take
P.E. today. Please execute him.
Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We
forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we
found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
Riddles:
1. I don't have lungs or a chest but I need air; I am not alive, but I grow; I
don't have a mouth and I'm allergic to water. What am I?

Answer: Fire

2. I am found in the sea and on land but I do not walk or swim. I travel by
foot but I am toeless. I'm never far from home. What am I?

Answer:  A snail

3. I run but I never walk. I have a mouth but I never talk. I have a bed but
I never lie. What am I ?

Answer:  A river
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Jokes:
Q: What did E.T.'s mom say when he got home?

A: Where on earth have you been!